im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
