What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
