Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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