So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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