This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
