you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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