You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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