So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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