My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
