winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dick very happy bro
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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