Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
