Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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