your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
