Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Two words: blizzard sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
