I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
