Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
