Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
nutella sex= disaster
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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