think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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