I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
