Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
