Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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