so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
