There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
