Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
