I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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