Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Green mimosas i think yes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
