So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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