I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
tell me about the eggs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
