one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was CRYING into my vagina
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
