Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you traded sex for a burrito?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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