operation have a gay friend backfired
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize