just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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