new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
