Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
