I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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