would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
