Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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