i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize