We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
