Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
