I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
