in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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