I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
