i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
