I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
