i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
