Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
