Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
