Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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