I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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