like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
