if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
