I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
