I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
