I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My pussy is not your playground.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
