I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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