Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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