singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
