I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
