Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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