it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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