She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I smell like Dick and happiness
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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