I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
