Whatcha textin bout Willis?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
