Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
