is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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