I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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