some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize