There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
