Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
