Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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