Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
